January 30, 2005 latimes.com : LA Magazine
One Mother's War
By Jeff Nachtigal, Special to the
Her first act
was to invite the press to the
"Patrick was not a private person. All his life he loved people," Nadia McCaffrey explained. "Why should I hide him when he comes home? He would not have wanted that."
At a time when
the Pentagon was attempting to keep photographs of the returning coffins out of
the American press, the
From the first interviews with newspaper obituary writers, Nadia was outspoken about her own opposition to the war as well as her son's growing reservations at the time he was killed.
"Patrick
was overwhelmed by the hatred there for Americans and Europeans," Nadia
told a reporter for The Times. "He was so ashamed
by the prisoner abuse scandal. He even sent me an
e-mail to tell me that not all the soldiers were like that. He
said we had no business in
Since her son's
June death in an ambush outside the big American military base at Balad, Nadia McCaffrey has appeared at dozens of peace
rallies, anti-war vigils and ceremonies for other soldiers killed in action. Along with a handful of other parents whose sons and
daughters have died in
In late
December, she went to the Middle East, traveling to
The group
distributed $600,000 in humanitarian aid for victims of American military
actions in Fallouja. But
plans to travel inside
In
"My dream," she said, "was to be able to find at least one Iraqi mother, who like me suffered a loss, and be able to have an exchange without hatred or anger about the way we feel. Talk about what to do to start working for peace. And do it mother to mother, with no governments."
Before leaving
Born in
"I grew up
in the aftermath of war," she told an audience at a Unitarian church in
At the
"The basic meaning of the mission is peace," McCaffrey told the small audience in a speech that was part plaintive mother's grief and sharply worded call to action. "It's a first step, and I hope that other people will follow."
Patrick, she said, loved children and worried most about the Iraqi orphans who were starved for food and love. Then she held up a picture of a little Iraqi girl holding a sunflower as big as her head. She said that the girl had given Patrick the flower the day before he was killed.
"I am going
to
Now 59, she is an impressive figure who speaks with a slight French accent.
A man in the audience stood slowly and asked: What about your safety?
"I am not afraid," Nadia said in a strong, clear voice. "I am not afraid of dying."
Despite her long-held opposition to war, when Patrick came home after signing with the National Guard just a month past 9/11, explaining that he had to "do something," she accepted her son's decision. But as Patrick increasingly expressed his doubts about the American mission and what it was accomplishing, her concern grew, then erupted into full-blown anger when the news of his death arrived.
So she channels her anger and grief by connecting with people and helping them deal with the sorrow of loss.
In many ways Nadia is uniquely qualified for this role.
Building on her own history of near-death experience, Nadia has worked for years as a hospice caregiver, comforting the dying. Ten years ago she set up a non-profit organization called Angelstaff (www.angelstaff.org) to provide caregiver assistance and emotional support for people who were dying. She communicates by e-mail with an international network of people who are involved in hospice care. Now this group calls and e-mails to give her emotional support.
Don Murdoch thinks people naturally gravitate to Nadia because she is so focused and has no "phoniness or agendas." "People are drawn to her, her ring of truth. She believes what she's doing," said Murdoch, who met Nadia seven years ago when he began doing hospice care.
Nadia's first
brush with death came when she was seven years old in provincial
Her most recent near-death experience came in August, two months after her son's death. Suddenly stricken by fever, she was rushed to the emergency room. Doctors told her both lungs had collapsed.
After this attack, Nadia said she asked herself why she was still alive while her son was dead.
"When I thought of this, and Patrick, I would have taken his place with joy, but that's not the way the plan was," Nadia said. "I think there are no coincidences, no accidents; things happen because we are meant to do certain things. It's totally up to us to fulfill what we have been left to do."
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SGT Patrick McCaffrey's Story:
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http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&ie=ISO-8859-1&q=nadia+mccaffrey&btnG=Search
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http://www.democracynow.org/article.pl?sid=04/07/06/1426228
GOLDSTAR MOTHER NADIA McCAFFREY *
MOTHER IN BLACK * Reach-Out to Iraq Veterans, a peaceful retreat, dealing with
the trauma of war. NMC-International NGO Peace Program
for Refugees Women and Children, a peaceful , pro-people organization."Journey to Peace" documentary. Founder of Angelstaff, a 501c3
charitable nonprofit corporation. An all volunteer
service for people at the end of life. Workshops
coaching in consciousness raising, and awareness with living and dying, a
nonprofit Corporation. H 209-830 9955 c 209-814 7182
nadiamccaffrey@gmail.com www.angelstaff.org Mother of Sergeant Patrick
McCaffrey, 34, father of 2 young children, husband of Silvia.
An American Patriot, fallen near
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"Why should we hear about body bags and deaths? It's not relevant. So why should I waste my beautiful mind on such things?Barbara Bush